I got your flock of haircuts right here, pal.
(Sent by my friend Peter who said he got it off the Dwight Englewood high school yearbook site.)
Bourdain Update: The Globe-Slacker Responds:
Here I was, all blissed out, half-swacked on negronis and looking out over the canals of Venice, the golden hues of late afternoon playing on the water, my little girl nibbling happily on a biscotto by my knee. I was–to say the least–in a charitable mood, a happy, all-is-well-with-the-world kind of a mood. Draining the last bit of gin/vermouth/campari mix from my glass, I stepped into my palatial lodgings to check my e-mail. Some very disturbing and unsolicited inquiries from former fans of Tiny Tim, German trannies, and–judging from the spelling–stoned out hippie freaks. Apparently, still stinging from my perfectly reasonable and accurate observations regarding your supernaturally lustrous hair,you felt compelled to dig deep into my past, going so far as to burglarize my old high school.
Vengeance will be mine, Ruhlman. I have employed a most excellent and reputable firm of Venetian detectives who assure me that the photos of you–at the Kajagoogoo concert, 1986, will soon be in my hands.They tell me as well that that infommercial you made with Suzanne Sommers? Copies STILL exist.
My hopes for political office have been ruined, Ruhlman. And for this, you will pay a truly terrible price.